Purging old ways

I am, whom I’m suppose to be in this moment.

When my mind is in fast forward, always attempting to be in the next moment I tend to forget my true purpose. To live.

My daughter said to me today “I can’t wait till it’s summer! How about you?” I replied “Yes, I can wait.” She gave me a look like I was crazy. So, I went on to say “If I wish today away, the faster summer would come and then go. Before you know it will be winter again” she seemed to get what I was saying. I wasn’t always like this, I was the kid that would wish/pray for the last day of school on the first.

Accepting who, what and where I am in the moment allows me to be present. If I’m present I can fully embrace the gift that life is.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite books:

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concen- trate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Acceptance Was the Answer chapter 16 of The Big Book




During my work on judgements, I have come to this place. I am at peace with this reality. I invite you to join me in finding your truth.

I am me. I am also God, as is everyone and everything. I am a work of God’s art, as is everyone and everything. I am perfection, as is everyone and everything. I am an expression of God as a Goddess. The Qualities unique to this human suit are no better and no worse than anyone else’s. We are all God. What humanity could consider as a flaw or attribute were given to me as a gift from God. I strive to show the utmost respect to all of God’s work including myself.

Love and Light,



noun 1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid …

All my life I have walked in fear. Fear of disappointing people I looked up to. Fear of people leaving me. Fear of the unknown… The list went on and on.

Every action I took had a hint of fear attached to it. Will this turn out the way I hope? or what happens if I fail at this? Will they still like/love me if I don’t get this just right.

This incredibly strong emotion of fear took hold of me at every turn. So, I developed ways to cope the best I could in that moment. Instead of being timid, I would become overly aggressive. I built walls around me so strong I could get through anything in the moment. I would distance myself emotionally from most people so not to be hurt. I survived many of intense moments using these tools.
They did their job and served a purpose. Everything has it’s time and place. When these defensive tools seemed to fail me because they are no longer the most appropriate tool for the job. Imagine using a sledge hammer when a screw driver is called for, it just becomes a mess and the desired results are impossible to attain.

So, like a tape deck my coping skills became obsolete. This lead to some moments of utter despair and unnecessary drama that lasted about 20 something years… Don’t get me wrong I’ve had some miracles occur in that time period I just couldn’t see them at that time.

It is as Shakespeare penned in Hamlet ” Let Hercules himself do what he may,
The cat will mew and dog will have his day.” The day came when I realized life continues and is ever evolving and so must I. Through speaking to many and reading about others J.O.I (journey of Illumination) I found that I am not so unique. My first step into this journey was to allow my mind to open and keep my judgements at bay.( Btw I’m still actively work on the judgement thing, bad habits and all that…)

I have told many others including my children, there is nothing to fear except fear itself.( I’m not sure if any of them believed that since the person whom told them that was crippled with fear… ) Which is only half true, there is nothing to fear if you have Faith.

I was blessed to have a healing session with a beautiful being. When, I spoke of my fear to her she told me to take a deep breathe and sit with my fear. I imagined sitting in a comfy winged chair and invited Fear to sit on my lap. Weird I know but I went with it. It was hesitant at first then run to me with its arms opened and jump on my lap. My fear was a child alone with no one to care for it. I asked it what did it need to feel safe and a flash of basic needs like food, water, shelter and companionship came to me. A sense of tranquility washed over me. I knew in that moment, that I am fully capable of providing the bare necessities . I promised never to leave the child alone and always to honor it.

Check this song by Lilly Allen The Fear

True Beauty


What’s beauty to you? To me it’s all that comes from nature. All that is created by the Divine. As, humans we try to recreate what we find in nature and integrate it into our daily lives. In fashion, we choose colors and textures found in nature. We design our homes to incorporate natural woods and stones. It’s easy to look out and see beauty. The true test is when one looks inside and sees the same beauty. If you are religious or spiritual then you have heard that we are made in God’s likeness, yet we tend to judge ourselves so harshly. One of most awesome creations of all is our bodies, they are the most amazing and intricate vessels on earth. Our bodies house our souls, the essence of the Divine. In all societies we give the utmost respect to religious and sacred houses (churches, temples, mosques, etc…). Why shouldn’t we treat ourselves and others with the same respect? What ever your beliefs are I hope you can look at yourself and see how truly amazing YOU are.
In this lifetime I strive to learn how to love all others with their perfect imperfections. I start this journey by learning how to love myself as I am. Then, to love all others as I love myself.