Purging old ways

I am, whom I’m suppose to be in this moment.

When my mind is in fast forward, always attempting to be in the next moment I tend to forget my true purpose. To live.

My daughter said to me today “I can’t wait till it’s summer! How about you?” I replied “Yes, I can wait.” She gave me a look like I was crazy. So, I went on to say “If I wish today away, the faster summer would come and then go. Before you know it will be winter again” she seemed to get what I was saying. I wasn’t always like this, I was the kid that would wish/pray for the last day of school on the first.

Accepting who, what and where I am in the moment allows me to be present. If I’m present I can fully embrace the gift that life is.

Here is an excerpt from one of my favorite books:

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concen- trate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
Acceptance Was the Answer chapter 16 of The Big Book



True Power


Spoken, written, or thought, words are the most powerful tool a human being has.

Being created in God’s likeness we can wield word giving them intent and power. Along with free will we have the CHOICE you use them for positive or negative purposes.
For example:
Words were used by God himself to create life itself. (Genesis 1:1- 1:31)(NIV)

The Beginning

1In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day…

As humans we use words to create a reality .

“I love you” is a devotion of the strength of your feelings to another.

“I hate you” is also a declaration of the strength of emotion a person feels towards another.
Both hold a incredibly strong charge.

There are millions of variations of the words. They all hold power. Remember when someone has use a positive or negative combination of these words towards you. The feelings they called forth.

You have the power to cause bliss or devastation. “Remember, with great power, comes great responsibility” said by Uncle Ben to Peter Parker in Spiderman, originally quoted from Voltaire.

Raise your hand if you’re here


Being present…

What does this mean? Why is it so important? I recently have been confronted with the importance of what Being Present truly means. I’ve noticed more and more people in the world today are stuck in a funk, suffering in a constant misery loop. I found most were making life decisions without being connected to their situations.
For an example, a young woman wanted to be sober and knew this was the only path for her. She had lost custody of her child and was basically homeless except for the periods of time when she found herself in a rehab. Her existence was taking its toll at 25 she resembled someone closer to 35. Family and most friends wiped their hands clean of her. She felt the only reason there was to live was because the thought of going to a true hell was the only thing that scared her. As she went through the motions of trying to get sober and provide her daughter a loving mother, she allowed fear to dictate her every move. Relapse and despair became her new way of life. Thoughts of the constant failure lead to deep depression. She stayed in the state of hopelessness. In this scenario the outcome seems to be nothing but Doom and Gloom. Recovery is one of the most difficult states to live in.
This is a reality for many people, the pain and torment of addiction. While reviewing this scenario you will notice every move made to become sober was drenched in fear and self-loathing. I asked myself “How could anything positive, come from such a negative frame of mind?” It can’t! She could continue in the direction she’s heading but what’s life without some semblance of joy.
The first step for someone in this situation such as this is to make it real. (You could use this practice to get out of most any misery loop you find yourself in, not just addiction.) Get out of survival mode. When one is in this state their options are limited to Flight or Fight. When you choose Fight you become defensive and try to protect your right to free will and become resistant to any other input. In Flight mode you retreat physically and or mentally. This young woman chooses flight. Without any monetary means to escape she removed herself mentally from the situation.
This is where Being Present comes into play. If you escape from reality it leaves your physical body to pay the price but removes your conscious mind from the trauma. The consequences are surreal. In this state you cannot take action you remain in a state of reaction. When you react, you are responding to something that has already happened. You will always be too late to prevent anything. The mind will only endure so much before it shuts down, it a self-preservation mechanism.
To ensure any change for yourself, you need to be present and make a conscious effort. Start off your day with a prayer or affirmation which ever suits your lifestyle. Firmly ask for the strength and courage to face life on life’s terms. Say aloud “I have the strength and courage to face and live life to the fullest”. Try grounding yourself, visualize your feet planted firmly on the floor with the roots of a strong and sturdy tree keeping you attached within your body. Go outside and take a few meditative breaths, Breath in through your nose taking in the light and energy of the sun, count to three and release all stress and doubt on the exhale. Do this a few times throughout the day. At the end of your day reflect on what transpired during the course of the day and think of three small things you could’ve done to enjoy the day just a little more. Just remember to take baby steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day…
Be thankful you had the opportunity to wake up and the chance to improve your life. Relying on survival instincts and reacting may allow you to survive but not live. Being in the moment gives you the opportunity to take action while using your intuition and conscious thought to guide your outcome.

Love and Light,


The Brighter Side



If you find yourself having more negative thoughts then positive it’s time to change your perception of what happens to you. These feelings are just your reactions to situations. Who says you need to react negatively? This is a learned trait, not what has to be. Allow me to create a scenario for you.

There is this couple, who’ve been dating for years. When anyone looked at them you would say they’re perfect together! Many asked “so when are you two going to get married?” They would smile and giggle and look into each others eyes, but never really committed to an answer. One day, one of them came home from a rough day at work and expected their other half would visit and help them decompress. The expectation was that they would do the usual and watch a movie and order some food. Unfortunately, when the other came over to begin the evening, they seemed a bit off. With tears in their eyes they gave the “it’s not you it’s me” routine. Then, proceeded to break the others heart with goodbyes and promises that they’ll find the right person one day.

This typically goes one of two ways; you react in despair (most common) or you can react with gratitude.

Believe me when I say “been there, done that” on both reactions.

The easiest and predictable reaction would to be to first, create a resentment towards the person. Then, accuse them of all the depravities of the world. Next, having constant thoughts of “how could they do this to me” or “they never really loved me”. Finally, reviewing the time that they spent together deeming it as tainted. Doesn’t need to be in that order. This is just how I would organize myself torment.

The most difficult and purposeful reaction is to ride the wave of hurt, knowing that this to shall pass. While treasuring all the wonder emotions felt good and bad. Embracing the lessons learned about each other and most importantly what you learned about yourself. This takes practice and good intention. It’s worth the work.

As humans we are put on this beautiful earth to experience all things both pleasurable and painful. I know the painful moments can drive you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. I truly believe without pain there can not be any growth. I have experience a tremendous amount of pain in my short life and I would never change it for anything! I would go through it all again to keep the lessons I’ve learned and the love of the people whom are in my life today. The gratitude I have for life in this moment is worth the hell I felt. The practice of “let go and let God” is a life saver (it really is, it decreases your stress which in turns decreases the chances of heart attacks and strokes). I’ll always go back to my nursing roots…

Release the guilt, pain and worry of yesterday, today and live a happy and healthy life.

Love and Light,


I would love to hear any questions or comments of the subject of life

It’s Sabotage!

“I can’t stand it, I know you planned it
I’m a’ set straight, this Watergate
I can’t stand rocking when I’m in here
’cause your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear
So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fuckin’ thorn in my side
Oh my god, it’s a mirage
I’m tellin’ y’all it’s sabotage” Sabotage by Beastie Boys

Hello Beautiful Beings,

Yes, I’m starting today off with the Beastie Boys. Much respect to Adam “MCA” Yauch.

So, last night I decided to go into my records and see what the issue du jour, that’s been beating at my door in need of some attention. I was hoping for something like, show more affection to your kids or eat healthier something simple you know. No, I get you must deal with your fear of yourself! Well, hot damn! Talk about your all- inclusive issues…. This is some BS! I don’t want to look at this atm (yes, I’m a master at procrastinating). So, after a mini freakout I asked my Masters, Teachers, and Loved ones for some clarity on this issue. It turns out I’ve been self sabotaging! Shocking at first who in their right mind self sabotages.(I’m lying to myself this problem has been evident for a while.) I mean if I was late to a Dr’s appointment or a job interview it was not my fault. My favorite excuse, the morning rush hour traffic is always the worst! Why would any one expect you to be on time for a nine o’clock appointment? I am late for everything! (even for my own wedding…). This, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg. Unsurprisingly, with enough looking within, I found I have a vast array of self sabotage/ self punishment issues in my background. Just to list a few, high school dropout, potential contestant for the Biggest Loser, and walked in the shoes of an active Alcoholic. Oh, and my latest act of chopping off my mid back length of hair in the name of going “Natural”. As freeing as it is to be “Natural” I sent myself into a year long depression and gained 40 pounds. (Thats enough with the examples, I’m sure you get the point.) This insanity must stop!

So, my first step of working through this issue I seem to have with myself is to write it down. Hence this post…

Knowledge is Power, the more you look into yourself the more familiar you become with the signs and symptoms of the acts that are detrimental to your well being. The more you examine yourself the easier it is to recognize the toxic patterns. Eventually, you are able to identify the thought before the act.

Second, I choose to accept that I tend to self sabotage/punish. What am I going to do punish myself more because I’m too hard on myself. No, that would be just silly. I will pray on it and then give it up. Don’t dwell or it becomes counterproductive.

Lastly, I am going to give myself a pat on the back for even facing such a terrifying thing as setting myself up for failure because I fear the success I’m capable of achieving.

Have faith that your soul knows from right and wrong. Get rid of what does not serve the higher good.